Your Inner Critic Is Exhausted, Not Cruel

Most of us know the voice:

The one that tightens the chest as we get dressed in the morning.

The one that whispers 'don’t embarrass yourself' during a meeting.

The one that slams us with every insult under the sun.

We tend to think of the Inner Critic as an enemy. A bully. A saboteur. Something to silence, override, or conquer. But in IFS, the Inner Critic is never the villain. It’s the overworked guardian who hasn’t taken a day off in decades. And it is so, so tired.

What the Critic is Actually Trying to Do

In IFS (internal family systems therapy), every part of us has a positive intention, even if its impact hurts.

The Inner Critic’s intention is usually simple: it tries to shame us some much on the inside, that we never again feel the pain of someone shaming us. It watches for anything that could lead to pain, rejection, humiliation, or failure. Because somewhere in your system is a younger part carrying the imprint of a moment when we absorbed the message 'you're not good enough'.

The Critic doesn’t want that to happen again. So it guards… relentlessly.

Criticism Is a Last Resort, Not a First Choice

Inner Critics tend to speak the way they learned to speak. If you grew up with environments where pressure, perfectionism, or comparison were normal, then criticism became a language of survival. And survival strategies don’t disappear just because life is different now.

These parts of us need relationship, not repression.

What the Inner Critic Actually Wants From You

Most critics want three things:

1. To be acknowledged: not ignored, not fought with, not overpowered.Just recognised. I hear you. I see you’re trying to help.

   
   

2. To know you’re not a child anymore: your adult Self can handle things now. You don’t need to be policed into safety.

   
   

3. To rest: this one usually surprises people. Critics are tired. The moment they feel genuinely held and understood, they can begin to soften. Sometimes, if we heal some of what is being carried underneath, they even transform into encouragers, analysts, strategists - the same skill set, but with compassion instead of fear.

If You Want Support in Meeting Your Inner Critic

IFS is the gentlest doorway I know for this work. It's not about silencing inner voices, but befriending them, so that more change becomes possible. It's not about convincing yourself out of fear, trying to think or figure your way out of it, but easing the system that carries the fear.

If you’d like to explore this with guidance, you can book a 1:1 session with me here: