The Quiet Grief of Starting Again

There’s a particular kind of sadness that doesn’t get spoken about very often. It shows up when you come back to something you once did with ease.

Back to strength training. Back to movement. Back after illness, burnout, injury, babies, grief, stress, or simply life. (I'll keep using movement as an example for the rest of this blog - but I also think the same principles occur across many areas of our life)

It’s the grief of realising that your body, your capacity, or your energy isn’t where it once was. Not because you’ve failed - but because time has passed, and things have changed.

This grief is quiet. It often hides behind “I should be grateful I can move at all” or "I just need to get back to where I was". But it’s there, all the same.

Starting again isn’t neutral

We like to frame starting again as a positive thing. A fresh start. A clean slate. A new chapter.

And sometimes it is.

But often, starting again comes with loss attached. Loss of confidence. Loss of strength. Loss of the identity you once had in your body.

You might remember what it used to feel like to lift heavier, move faster, recover more easily. And now you’re faced with the gap between memory and reality.

That gap can hurt.

Why this grief gets ignored

Our culture doesn’t do very well with regression, pauses, or limits - or even seasons. We’re taught to focus on progress, improvement, optimisation.

So when grief shows up, we rush past it.

We tell ourselves:

• “At least I’m doing something.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “I just need more discipline.”

But grief doesn’t disappear just because it’s inconvenient. It just goes underground. And when it does, it often shows up as frustration, avoidance, or a sense that something feels heavier than it “should.”

Allow yourself to grieve.

The nervous system remembers

From an IFS-informed perspective, it makes sense that starting again can feel charged.

Parts of you remember:

• Being strong

• Being capable

• Being at home in your body

Other parts might remember:

• Injury

• Overwhelm

• Being pushed too hard

• Being praised only when you performed

When you walk back into a gym space, or return to movement, all of that history can come with you. Not consciously - but in the body, and it’s important information.

Strength isn’t just physical

At Fresh Air And, we often talk about strength as something broader than muscles and numbers.

Strength can look like:

• Going slower than you want to

• Choosing lighter loads than your ego prefers

• Letting yourself be a beginner again

• Staying present instead of dissociating through effort

There is real courage in meeting yourself where you are, rather than where you think you should be. You’re responding to reality. Bodies change. Lives change. Capacity changes.

The work isn’t to force yourself back to an old version of you. It’s to build a relationship with the version of you that exists now.

That’s where sustainable strength actually comes from.

A gentle invitation

If you find yourself stuck between knowing what you “should” do and feeling unable to do it, that’s often a sign that something inside you needs attention, not correction.

Alongside the physical work at Fresh Air And, I also offer one-to-one Internal Family Systems (IFS) sessions. These are a space to gently explore the parts of you that carry fear, grief, pressure, or protection - and to build more choice and compassion from the inside out.

Starting again doesn’t have to be something you do alone. Find out more around our small group PT Strength sessions here.