What Is IFS (Internal Family Systems) - and Why Might It Help?

Caroline Dunne
20 minutes ago
3 min read

One of the questions I get asked most often is:

“So… what actually is IFS?”

It’s a fair question.IFS (Internal Family Systems) can sound complex or clinical at first, but at its heart it’s a very simple - and very human - way of understanding ourselves.

Rather than seeing us as one single, consistent “personality”, IFS starts from the idea that we’re made up of many different parts - and that all of them are trying, in their own way, to help us survive.

We’re all made of parts (whether we realise it or not)

If you’ve ever thought things like:

Part of me wants to rest, but another part feels lazy for even considering it
I know logically I’m safe, but something in me feels panicky anyway
One part of me wants closeness, another wants to run a mile

…then you already have a lived sense of what IFS is talking about.

IFS doesn’t see these inner conflicts as problems to eliminate - but as relationships inside us that need attention and care.

The three main types of parts (in simple terms)

IFS groups parts into a few broad categories. You don’t need to memorise these - they’re just a helpful map.

1. Protectors

These are the parts that work hard to keep us functioning and safe.

They might show up as:

inner critics
people-pleasing
perfectionism
numbing, distracting, scrolling, overworking
staying “strong” and not needing anyone

Even when they cause problems, protectors are not bad parts - they developed to help us cope, often very early in life.

2. Firefighters

These parts jump in when something feels overwhelming.

They’re often reactive and urgent:

shutting down
dissociating
bingeing, drinking, compulsive behaviours
sudden anger or impulsivity

Their job is to put out emotional fires as fast as possible - not to think long-term.

3. Exiles

These are the younger, vulnerable parts that carry pain, fear, shame, grief, or unmet needs.

Protectors and firefighters often work around these parts - trying to keep them out of awareness because feeling them once felt too much.

IFS doesn’t force us into these places. It works slowly, with consent, and at the pace your nervous system can handle.

So… where do you come in?

IFS also recognises something else that’s really important.

Underneath all our parts is what’s called Self — not a part, but a natural state of being we all have access to.

Self is characterised by things like:

calm
curiosity
compassion
clarity
groundedness

Even if it doesn’t feel available right now, Self isn’t something you need to create - it’s something we uncover when parts feel safe enough to step back.

How IFS is different from “top-down” talking approaches

Many traditional talking or cognitive approaches work top-down:

analysing thoughts
reframing beliefs
understanding why we are the way we are

These can be helpful - but they often struggle to reach the parts of us that don’t respond to logic.

IFS works more bottom-up and relationally:

listening to the body
slowing things down
building trust with protective parts
working with resistance rather than trying to override it

Instead of asking: “How do I stop feeling this?”

IFS gently asks: “What is this feeling trying to do for me?”

And often, it's from that that change is possible.

You’re not broken

One of the most radical things about IFS is this:

Nothing inside you is wrong or pathological.Your system makes sense - especially when we understand what it’s been shaped by.

Symptoms aren’t signs of failure.They’re signals of parts doing their best with what they learned long ago; from individuals from our past, the systems in which we live...