When “self-development” becomes self-isolation

There’s a strange irony in how modern “self-development” so often separates us from the very things that make us whole.

We buy the books. We listen to the podcasts. We keep the journals. We do the morning routines. We try to breathe differently, think differently, eat differently. We call it doing the work.

But sometimes, what we’re really doing is trying to hold ourselves together - alone.

That also means we blame ourselves when it doesn't work - our lack of motivation and will-power, our inability to control ourselves, push ourselves enough...

The world is heavy right now

It’s impossible to ignore the wider context we’re all living in. Genocide. War. Political cruelty. The climate crisis. Economic instability. There’s grief and fear and anger everywhere we look - and yet the culture we live in tells us to keep producing, to keep improving, to keep going.

No wonder so many of us turn inward. No wonder we retreat to podcasts, self-help plans, or endlessly tinkering with our routines. It’s not a moral failure; it’s a survival strategy. When the world feels unbearable, self-isolation can feel like the only safe place left.

It also means it's not our fault when we 'fail'. When we struggle with our physical, emotional and/or mental health, often there are other systems and factors at play (including but not limited to capitalism and the economy, colonialism, availability of inclusive spaces, affordable housing, public health and health equity...)

When the work becomes another cage

Here’s the quiet trap: when we try to heal or grow in isolation, we often end up reinforcing the very patterns that keep us stuck.

You can’t think your way into safety. You can’t journal your way into belonging. You can’t solo your way into connection.

True development isn’t about fixing yourself into worthiness - it’s about remembering that you were never unworthy to begin with. And that remembering often happens in relationship - through shared movement, shared stories, shared humanity.

Healing is collective

So maybe it’s not about doing more work on ourselves. Maybe it’s about being with ourselves - and with each other - differently.

Healing might look like showing up to train, or stretch, or breathe alongside other people who are also just trying to stay connected to their bodies and their lives. It might look like softening your self-improvement goals and asking instead: Where am I supported? Who do I let witness me? Is there anyone who wants my support? How do they want to be witnessed by me?

You don’t have to do it alone

At Fresh Air &, this belief sits at the centre of everything we do. Whether you come for strength training, yoga, or a quieter space to land in our new IFS Root & Return circle - the goal isn’t to perfect yourself. It’s to reconnect. To rebuild trust in your body, in movement, and in the communities that hold you.

Root & Return is a 6-week guided somatic IFS circle, starting on 5th November.

We’ll meet weekly in community - slow, real, human - to explore what it means to feel safe enough to come home to yourself.

You’ll be guided through grounding practices, inner parts connection, and quiet sharing that honours your pace and your body’s wisdom.

You don’t have to heal in isolation. You don’t even have to call it “healing.”

Just start where you are, and let connection do what self-improvement can’t.