What IFS Teaches Us About Overwhelm, Protection & Pace

There’s a particular kind of frustration that creeps in when we know what we “should” be doing - resting more, working out, setting boundaries, speaking up, slowing down - and yet somehow… we don’t.

At this time of year especially, overwhelm can be high; the pressures of the season, the changing weather and light, past experiences of this time of year, and before we know it, on a random Tuesday afternoon, we find ourselves snapping at someone we love, doom-scrolling instead of resting, overworking instead of saying no, feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

Internal Family Systems doesn’t meet this with shame. It meets it with compassion and a really important reframe:

Overwhelm isn't a sign there something wrong with you; it’s there because something is working very hard to try to carry everything and protect you.

Overwhelm Isn’t a Lack of Capacity - It’s a Signal of Load

Not only "tis the season" for merriment and joy, we’re also living in a world where the background noise is loud and relentless: global grief, political horror, economic strain, online urgency, personal thresholds being stretched thin. None of us are operating in a neutral nervous system climate.

From an IFS lens, when the system is under sustained pressure, protectors naturally become more active. They have to. That’s their job.

So what we often call:

• “Avoidance”

• “Procrastination”

• “Numbing out”

• “Over-functioning”

• “People-pleasing”

…IFS might call intelligent adaptations inside a system that’s carrying too much.

Not bad habits.

Not character flaws.

But strategies that formed to keep you intact.

Self-Leadership Is Not a Performance

Sometimes Self (because inside you there is a core 'you') is described in ways such as calm, grounded, clear, compassionate, confident.

All beautiful qualities.

And also - not always accessible in moments of overwhelm.

IFS reminds us that Self-leadership isn’t a fixed state you either achieve or fail at. I'd offer to you that what we can 'do' with overwhelm is this: start to be in relationship with whatever is present.

Leading from Self sometimes looks like:

• Letting a protector speak first or do its thing.

• Admitting you don’t have capacity today.

• Choosing smaller honesty over big transformation.

• Sitting beside the part that wants to disappear.

That is leadership.

Protection Is Not the Enemy of Growth

A common internal conflict I see is this:

“Part of me wants to heal, and part of me keeps sabotaging it.”

IFS would gently say: There is likely a part that wants change and a part that is terrified of what change might cost.

Both make sense.

We don’t move forward by overpowering the protector. We move forward by getting curious about what it’s guarding.

Often underneath:

• exhaustion

• old relational injuries

• grief that never had space

• unmet needs that learned not to ask

When we slow down enough to listen, something shifts. Not instantly. But honestly.

Pace Is a Nervous System Issue, Not a Moral One

so, if you’re moving more slowly than you think you “should,” or looping through the same edges again and again, IFS would say: Your system is setting the pace it believes is survivable. And that deserves respect. We don’t heal by sprinting. We heal by building enough safety to stay in relationship with what’s true.

A Gentle Reflection

You might like to take a moment with this:

• Where does Self-leadership feel most out of reach for me right now?

• What might be trying to protect me there?

• What would it be like to meet that protector with curiosity instead of force?

If You’d Like Support With This

IFS work is, at its heart, about learning how to be in relationship with yourself in a way that is less violent, less urgent, and more compassionate.

If you’re feeling called to explore this in a supported, one-to-one space, I currently offer individual IFS sessions where we gently work with your system at your pace.

You can find more details or reach out here.