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This is the #1 thing that creates a healthy, happy life

It's not going to be what you think it is...

It is:


CLOSE relationships.


You thought I was going to say working out or eating lettuce didn't you?!


Community, relationships and friendships are VITAL for humans.


It is one of the components of Deep Health. Our health is so much more than our physical health, and it is this that unpins all my coaching work, and personal philosophy. Quick summary: the components of deep health are: emotional, relational (relationships!), mental, physical, existential and environmental.


Brene Brown defines connection as: the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. We are literally hard-wired for connection. Even the most routine encounters that we have with other humans act as regulators in the brain. Our relationships impact the way our brains develop and perform.


Mmmm. You're probably reading this on a screen right now aren't you? I can see you nodding. Maybe even guiltily?! Many of us know that our screen times are perhaps higher than they should be.


(P.S. Mine is!).


And it impacts our relationships. and I don't mean in the 'put you phone down and talk to me it's dinner time' kinda way (although of course, that is a thing too!). The prevalence of social media in our lives makes us THINK we are connected. Comments and likes and posts and photos and funny videos and memes and 'staying in touch' with people we haven't actually talked to in decades.


I am not bashing social media. It's a lifeline, it makes things possible and it is a way to share love and affection with those that are far away from us. But in many ways, it makes us also more isolated than ever. I am saying BE AWARE. That's all. Social media actually it not a substitute for a real, warm living human being in front of us; being aware of their energy, their meaning, their body language etc. Seek out true connection what you can.


Another big obstacle to true connection is this idea of 'self-sufficiency'. I fall foul of this a lot. We think we can do it all (until we can't). We'd rather do all sorts of crazy stuff that admit we're stuck, or needing help or don't know what to do, or what the next step is. Many of us do NOT want to admit we were wrong or made a mistake. When do you last ask for help?


Back to Brene again: 'until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help.


Ooooof.


Connection - true connection - is often counter culture. At least, today's culture. It takes effort, awareness, and making the choice to connect with an open heart.


Some questions to muse upon or journal about:


1. Are you showing up at the truest version of yourself in your relationships; without trying to be perceived as anything different than you are?


2. What's the biggest thing getting in the way of your relationships right now?


3. How would you like to see your relationships transform over the next month and beyond?


4. What are some small steps to take right now to move towards that?


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