When All Your “Parts” Want Different Things

(And how to stop feeling like you’re in a constant tug-of-war with yourself)

Ever had one of those days where you feel like you’re being pulled in three different directions at once - all inside your own head?

You wake up with the best of intentions: Today I’m going to get back on track.

Then another voice chimes in: But we’ve had such a long week, can we just take it easy?

And before you know it, a third one adds: Ugh, we’ve already messed it up. Let’s just start again Monday.

Welcome to the world of inner parts.

Why your parts aren’t the enemy

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we see these inner voices not as flaws or failings, but as parts: distinct aspects of you, each with their own perspective and good intentions. Even the parts that feel frustrating (“you’re lazy!”) are usually trying to protect you from something - like burnout, overwhelm, or disappointment.

When you understand that your inner world isn’t just one monolithic “self,” but a whole community of parts, you start to see the bigger picture.

The problem with ignoring them

Most of us have been taught to squash, shame, or silence the parts we don’t like. We try to drown out the procrastinator with motivational quotes. We try to overrule the comfort-seeker with rigid discipline. We try to out-shout the inner critic with positive affirmations.

But here’s the thing: parts that are ignored tend to dig in their heels.They don’t disappear - they just get louder. It can feel like warfare inside us.

Listening instead of fighting

What if you could turn towards each part, with curiosity?

Ask your “comfort” part what it’s worried will happen if you push yourself today.

Ask your “disciplined” part what it’s afraid of if you rest.

Ask your “start over Monday” part what it’s trying to protect you from right now.

You might be surprised by what they say. Often, once a part feels heard and understood, it softens. And from that place, you can make choices that feel more grounded, less like a constant battle. More change is possible.

If this is speaking to you…

From September, I’ll be opening a handful of spaces for 1:1 IFS sessions. These are gentle, collaborative sessions where we explore your parts together - not to get rid of them, but to help you work with them in a way that feels lighter, kinder, and more sustainable.

If you’ve ever felt like you know what you “should” do but can’t get all of yourself on board… this work can help you finally bring your whole system into alignment.

You can check out here about what IFS can help with, plus the sliding scale that's available. I always a free thirty minute chat too to help you decide if this is for you and to answer any and all questions.